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Depletion, anxiety and overwhelm are a common experience for today’s pregnant and new mothers. For generations women have been taught to ignore the wisdom within their bodies, to push through, to keep going, to keep striving – during early mothering, in complete opposition to what we’re biologically designed to need.
It’s a story of perpetual doing.
It’s exhausting.
And, it needs to change.
Pregnancy, labour and birth, postpartum, breastfeeding and mothering all inherently contain uncertainty and unpredictability. For already buzzing and depleted nervous systems, this means further triggering of the stress response. And when left unattended amplifies all variations of worry, anxiety, overwhelm and fear.
In an attempt to create calm, our clever minds focus on collecting information through research and classes. To create a feeling of being in control, we channel all of that learning into planning – birth plans, postpartum plans, infant feeding plans…
Ultimately though, all of the doing – all of the efforting – to establish certainty and predictability through learning and planning, doesn’t remove them from the transition to motherhood. And, when things don’t go as we’ve hoped or planned and we’re without sufficient (emotional) support, the worry, anxiety and fear are magnified and often accompanied by grief, sadness, shame, depression and/or anger.
From a physiological perspective, this transition involves hormones that function optimally when a mother is feeling safe and calm.
The chronic stress inherent in our lives, how our culture teaches us to approach mothering (whether we’re conscious of it or not) and the lack of deep, empathic, nurturing support we need from a community of people, impacts hormone balance, health and wellbeing.
Impact of a chronic stress response in motherhood.
In pregnancy…
...chronic stress can contribute to anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, increased frequency of colds and/or premature labour.
In labour & birth…
...it contributes to the slowing of the process and increases risk of medical interventions.
In postpartum…
...it increases likelihood of sleep challenges and postpartum mood disorders.
Throughout breastfeeding…
...it may impact milk supply and contribute to feeding challenges, including infants who are unsettled, constantly feeding and/or frustrated at breast.
Throughout mothering…
...it contributes to overall depletion, exhaustion, overwhelm, mood changes, immune depletion and digestive changes.
Pregnant and New Moms Need Nourished Mothering Resilience
Resilience simply defined is the ability to respond and adapt to the events of life. It’s our ability to stay up when life tries to knock us down and when knocked down allows us to efficiently and fully recover.
Mothering resilience is…
…feeling grounded and centered, connected with the Earth and with Inner Wisdom and able to respond and adapt to the unexpected, unpredictable and uncertain.
…feeling nourished by nutrition, breath, rest, movement and Nature – supporting strength, energy and vitality to be fully engaged with the experiences of life.
…understanding and embodying the experience of a regulated nervous system with the capacity to experience deep calm and relaxation and to healthfully respond to all life brings – the joyous and the challenging.
…being connected with, supported by and cared for within a diverse and inclusive community – a community that holds and nurtures you, so you can continue holding and nurturing your family in your most aligned way.
Cultivating mothering resilience does not…
…prevent the unplanned/unexpected
…create certainty and predictability in our external circumstances or experiences
…or prevent us from experiencing challenging emotions
BUT it…
…supports us in experiencing more steadiness and calm
…resources us to be with what’s challenging and feel fully supported
…and ensures we recover more fully and efficiently when the unexpected knocks us down.
When we cultivate our mothering resilience, it doesn’t mean the storms of life won’t blow through, but we’ll have what we need to respond and adapt, with more calm, confidence and energy.
What prevents women from cultivating mothering resilience?
Before we were born, we were encoded with the instructions, the stories that our culture created about how good mothers approach their role:
Stay in your head. Figure it out. Everything you need to know is outside of you. Keep searching.
Perpetually give. Never rest. Put everyone you care for ahead of yourself.
Live in individual households, separate from extended family.
Be independent. Do it all yourself. Don’t rely on anyone else, except your partner (if you have one!). Feel guilt and shame when you ask for help.
Keep striving to be a good mother, a good partner, a good daughter, a good woman. (And guess who defined what ‘good’ means? That same cultural programming. And it’s an impossible goal to attain – every time we get close the standards change.)
How do we know our mothering resilience needs to be nourished?
Remember that depletion, anxiety and overwhelm mentioned above? Those are all signs, along with experiences of:
Always being in your head, trying to figure things out
Uncertainty and unpredictability making things worse
Depression
Touched out
Exhaustion
Craving more nourishing support and connection – feeling disconnected/alone, even when you have support
Frustration, anger (often towards those we love most, triggering shame and thoughts of “I shouldn’t feel this way”)
Difficulty slowing down, resting, sleeping well
How do we cultivate mothering resilience?
Pregnant and new moms need nourished resilience and Nature has the wisdom to guide us to experience more calm, connection, energy and community.
Nature shows us that trees are more resilient (especially in stormy weather) when they…
are rooted more deeply and widely in the Earth
take in nutrients from their environment through sunlight, air, water and Earth, improving their health and strength
have trunks and branches that show flexibility and responsiveness
are in groups that are diverse in age and species
are regularly tended to
We cultivate mothering resilience…
…with grounding practices that support our connection with the Earth and our Inner Wisdom – the most accurate guide on our mothering journeys
…by nurturing our bodies through time in Nature, breath, hydration, nutrition and movement
…with practices that support the capacity and regulation of the nervous system, enhancing calm and healthy responsiveness to life
…by gathering and supporting one another in diverse and inclusive communities
…by being cared for and tended to, in community.
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